Bumping Back To Reality

I’ve not posted for a while as not much has really changed the past few weeks.
I’m still in Snowdon Rehabilitation Unit and working hard to get myself ready for home.

Home seems like a long way off due to the fact I can’t lift my leg high enough to be able to manage the stairs. I’ve got to learn to bump up and down  on my bottom. At the moment I can only manage one step before everything hurts.

On top of all my therapy last week I had the added stress of my youngest son being admitted to hospital in an horrendous critical condition. I had to find ways of being at the hospital with him and trying to squeeze some physio sessions in. It didn’t really go to plan. I think I only managed to get in two full sessions. I felt like I was letting people down by not doing anything but my son came first, always will be in that order.

I hated feeling so useless. All I could do was stroke his hair and hold his hand. It was heartbreaking not being able to properly comfort him. I felt so much like an outsider.

Thankfully by Friday,  and with help from numerous consultants, he was discharged from hospital and as a family we were able to go to Naomi House Children’s Hospice for the weekend. It was our first time together properly since 02/01/16.
I was able to do arts and crafts with my eldest, sit and watch the final game of the six nations rugby (and watch England be crowned Grand Slam Winners!) With my husband, sit and help the nurses at night do things like tape changes etc.
We managed to eat home cooked food and relax together.

And then it’s back to reality with a bump!!!

I am now back on Snowdon Ward, on my own and back to feeling useless and a waste of space.
My timetable for the week looks like this:-

Mon – NOTHING
Tues-home visit at 2pm
Wed-psychologist at 11 am
Thurs – Physio 10am & GPM 2pm
Fri –  NOTHING

I have 1 physio session all week, yes that’s right – Just 1 physio session all week.

How am I going to get home if only one physio session all week. I’m not going to prove if I’m not scheduled in for any thing.

I’m getting so cross with myself because I’m going nowhere fast.

Arghhhhhhh

Oh well plenty of people having a worse time than me. I shouldn’t moan, I should be grateful I’m in such a wonderful place.
but why does it hurt so much inside?

I hate being like this, I hate feeling like this yet it keeps overwhelming me and I can’t get away from it.

I hate being separated from my hubby and the boys. I hated coming back here after spending so much time with them this weekend. They are my life and it is them that gets me through each day. Looking at their happy faces on my wall really helps me especially in the morning when I wake up to another day here.

Week 13 here I come to get you!! I may have little to do this week but I’m going to work my socks off to do the best I can despite having just the 1 session of physio.

Night all and and wish a happy Monday for everyone!!!

SN Mum

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