One Foot In Front Of The Other

How hard can it be to learn to walk??? I mean I’ve been walking since I was 1yr old so surely you’d think it would be easy?? Well that’s what I thought and how wrong was I!!!

It’s not just a case of putting one foot in front of the other like I thought.

It seems that lacking communication from my brain, to tell my legs that they exist,is causing huge problems. I still have no feeling or sensation from my bra line down and it’s really bugging me now!

A stupid lesion at T1 has and continues to cause me no end of problems.

I’m trying to learn to stand and walk using sight but it’s not going quiet so swimmingly.  Trying to tell my legs to lock straight so I don’t collapse when standing is incredibly hard and I shake like a jelly on drugs!!
Trying to take steps in a row requires my brain to tell one leg to lock while trying to tell the other one to raise knee, push through hip, kick out, lift toes and push heel down all in a split second. It’s not easy at all.

Everything shakes, my hands go white,  my shoulders hurt and my elbows squeal in pain where they are taking the strain through them holding onto the frame. Add in self doubt and not trusting and believing in your own body and you’ve got a very tiring, difficult time ahead.

I’ve managed to strain the muscle and tendons that run from my wrist to my elbow along my radius.

At the moment I feel like I’m not winning.  It’s so hard trying to do all this and it not going how I want it to.
I just want to be at home.

I’m not expecting miracles but surely something should be happening by now, some improvement and progress on the bigger plan of going home.

I’ve got to learn that it really is baby steps and that yes it will take a long time to build confidence and to learn to trust my body and it’s capabilities and limits. I can only do what it let’s me.

The fact I have hugely swollen feet and ankles, as well as severe pain in my hand and elbow means I need to take a step down. I need to take a step back (sorry bad joke!) and let my body take the lead, well I can’t completely as I’m under the control and guidance of the lovely physiotherapists and their rehabilitation assistant.
I had core group with the RA today and it was a full on work out.
Have you ever done a pelvic tilt? Until last week I had never done one. You have to imagine that you need a wee and you pull your stomach muscles inwards to stop it coming. Then rock your hips towards your back and flatten your back out. Its so hard to describe but its so weird try and do when you have no feeling. Also had to do knee drop outs and knee rolls side to side. I really wish I had some feeling so I could at least get feedback from my body to my brain to know if I’m doing it right and making progress.

I’ve just realised I’m waffling on.

I’m going to go and eat some biscuits, get some oramorph and attempt to go to sleep with my legs raised high and a catheter that won’t empty properly!

SN Mum

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