I just can’t stop my head from over thinking things and its driving me insane!!!
It’s 02:30 and for the past 3 hours my brain has decided to run through all my worries at the rate of a washing machine on a 1400 spin cycle!
Why now??? Why not when I’m sat watching TV or when I’m having a wash??? Why is it always the split second I get into bed? It really is getting very frustrating, not least because I’ll be moaned at by the nurse in charge in the morning for my tired state but mainly because come the morning it’ll go back to its slow trundle along and leave me drained mentally and physically.
I’ve gotten used to the subtle spinning of my anxieties and general concerns but this over night rollercoaster is driving me bonkers.
People say to me that my blog posts should be all sweetness and nice but right now that isnt how things are and as much as i would like to be all positive and happy, I just can’t be in that place right now.
I know I am over thinking things and I am focusing on the ‘what ifs’ and not the here and now but it is impossible to switch off these all consuming feelings and they are really hurting my already tired mind.
Most of what I am worrying about is out of my control and I think that is why it is bothering me so much. I’ve lost the ability to be in control of my life and I dont know how to let go or how to break through the feeling of loss and uselessness.
I don’t think there is any right answer on how to achieve this other than writing it all down here and praying that it gets easier as time passes.
I do wish though that this spin cycle would pack up and give my brain a rest so I can at least get some sleep before I take on the week with a new approach and face my feat or the bloody rotunda head on.
Oh well time for decaffeinated tea and some sleep. Maybe I’ll listen to some music to try and distract me from the damn thoughts
Nighty night folks
Transverse Myelitis & Me, With A New Addition! 