Tired but can’t sleep

I’ve been home for 2 weeks now and I’m loving being with my family.

I’ve got to learn how to manage my fatigue and what I do each day so that I can remain on top of it.

I’ve been pretty emotional these past few days and I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired or whether I have just become more emotional in general. I’m guessing it is a mixture of the two.

I cried when Lewis put his lip balm to his lips, I cried when Lewis put a toothbrush into his mouth when it was time to clean his teeth, I cried because my leg back separated from my catheter without me knowing & soaked my trousers (that happened 3 times in 20 mins)
I cried because I’m tired and can’t sleep, I cried when I received a medal and a vest number from Elizabeth in Santa Fe.

I’ve had numerous bladder accidents that have left me feeling out of control and pretty useless and pretty pathetic if I’m honest.
It is mortifying having to ask your husband for new underwear, trousers etc. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so embarrassed.

How on earth my hubby stays so strong in this crappy situation I don’t know but he must be super human. He’s looking after 3 of us, working,doing after school activities with Adam, sorting care team etc etc

He hasn’t dropped one ball yet but I’m waiting for it to happen.
I think the fact he has my mum’s support 4 days a week really helps.

Saying that my mum is an angel in disguise. She has stayed with us for 4 days a week since February/March. She does everything housework wise and gets all the little jobs done despite her own physical limitations. She has had me crying on her, Adam stropping on her, Lewis pooing for her and yet she just gets on.

She’s teaching me ways how to manage the chores but to still conserve my energy stores.

She really is a rock to us all.

Since staying with us she has learnt to give Lewis his meds, suction him and change his pad. Her confidence with him has grown significantly.

I’ve now finished my 2 week course of physio at home by Snowdon @ Home. I’ve been referred to the rehab gym to carry on my physio but that could be a month or two from now so we’ll have to see what happens. 

I just need to focus on my standing and my walking with my frame so that I can be less dependant on Paul.

Right off to try and sleep again seeing as it’s 00:51 now!!!

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